Fullness of Joy

I think we’re all in agreement that this is a very trying time. 

The state of the world has caused a lot of stress, no matter what private battles we are currently fighting behind our closed doors. To add the chaos of COVID-19 on top of anything else we’re trying to juggle feels impossible. There are so many emotions to be processed during this time: sadness, grief, loneliness, anxiety, anger.

And you know what? That is perfectly fine and normal. You are not sitting in those feelings alone. 

It’s hard to find joy right now. Which is also perfectly fine and normal. Even before COVID-19 disrupted our daily routine, joy felt increasingly difficult for me to find and focus on. It felt like the joy of ministry was completely sucked out of me over the period of a year. My spiritual life (or lack thereof) negatively affected my physical, mental and emotional self, like dominos, creating a version of me I had never met and did not want to stick around to get to know better.

I didn’t recognize who I saw in the mirror. She was tired, lonely, irritable, hated what she felt and looked like. Drained. I was drained in every aspect of my life. I needed help. 

After months of this new lifestyle, and during what felt like my breaking point, Hunter happened to mention in passing to a ministry friend I was searching for a counselor. And, thankfully, his friend knew the perfect woman. In fact, she offered counseling services at his congregation and could meet with me the next week.

God put the most amazing woman right in my path. Like God knew I needed her support right when I couldn’t and didn’t know how to take another step forward. Every other Thursday for six months, I met my counselor who embraced, supported and loved me and all of the words and tears that came pouring out of me. 

She taught me a few priceless lessons:

1. I am not in control. No matter what I want or need or how much I plan, I am not in control of what happens, but I am in control of how I react to what happens.
2. Let the little things go. In the grand scheme of things, the little stuff isn’t going to matter. So why waste my thoughts on something that won’t matter? 
3. My joy cannot be taken. It is my own choice to seek joyfulness and to be joyful. Once I choose to seek joy, no one can take that away from me.

“You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.“

Psalm 16:11

We are in the presence of full joy when we are in the presence of God. Whole, perfect, complete joy.

Now, I’m not saying we cannot be sad or angry in God’s presence. I think it’s healthy to yell at God from time to time because he desires all of us. He wants to bear our burdens, even the ones that include a lack of joy.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

Whatever we bring to the feet of the Lord, our guilt, anger, sadness, whatever we are feeling at the moment, he returns with joy because he is joy. Where we are weak, God is strong. 

Choosing to be joyful is beyond circumstantial. We can choose to dwell in the past, cling to hurt, wallow in self pity. Or run to the cross, drop to our knees in pure exhaustion from the weight of our laboring and hold steadfast to the Father.   

In this difficult time, where it might be hard to find joy, unless you’re looking for it, actively seek the face of God because joy will meet you right where you are.